With the Duggar girls’ star ascendant, you’d think that they were just a bunch of winsome gals, but no, Josiah, the best male Duggar next to Jackson, is graduating from High School and ready to Duggar the big wide world. Anna also plans a dinner party. LOOKS LIKE SHENANIGANS!
Duggars Return Home from their Trip: EVERYTHING IS SO HECTIC WITH ALL THOSE KIDS. They are cleaning and sweeping, even the younger boys, who often are experts in slacking. Seriously, they are riding that patriarchy gravy train all the way to lazytown.
Josiah’s party: Apparently, Josiah has invited like 300 people to his party. Not a surprise. He’s a comedian and friendly and kind of sweet. He likes the cello and making movies. He also seems the least older male Duggar caught up in manly gender roles. RUN JOSIAH RUN!!!! Oppression! It’s not just for the ladies. He’s pranked People Magazine by pretending he was holding a Duggar baby and then dropped it and it was a doll. LOL! Those jerks.
Everyone likes Josiah because he gives away candy.
Josh and Anna: But they are also visiting Josh and Anna in DC? Apparently it’s holiday season and Anna needs to go shopping while her husband out saving our heathen through his work on
Focus on the FamilyFamily Research Council . Now Anna, being a woman, actually has to focus on her family and is off to shop to feed the family. And man, she’s being honest and deciding to buy premade stuff. It sounds like Thanksgiving.
Dinner for 25, Anna and you might not get any help from your husband? Man, girl, in most families that’d be.... an unpleasantry. OH NOW! Anna goes to buy a turkey and finds out they are ALL FROZEN. SHIT, ANNA, couldn’t production call? Or did they plan this?
Josiah’s graduation: 300 RSVPs, 400 attending. Some are friends, sure, but who doesn’t want to share a bit of that bright Duggar spotlight. Josiah is very proud of being the 8th Duggar child to graduate from HS but with the biggest party.
Anyway, Ben Seewald came and Jessa was smirky. Derek Dillard’s parents where there too. HIS STEPDAD. Is there a divorce somewhere in the family? Does mom wear pants and have a bob? Hm. The plot thickens. Apparently, the brought a care package for Jill and her parents to bringto Nepal.
When Jill talks about it, Jana smiles with that tense smile. She just wants to die. To die.
Now back to Josiah. Look, Jinger is toasting him and secretly thinking “We need to both escape this hell on earth.” He’s a nice guy. He’s humble and spunky. Not like Jessa. She’s an jerk. A smirky jerk. And then they all smile as they give him his diploma and he thinks of all those great hours he spent learning about creationism.
And in January, he’s going to the Alert Academy—which is like military style academy. Basically, this is where the right wing Gothard’s go to break their boy’s spirit and make sure they adhere to their type of Godly masculinity. And then he’ll do some college courses “on the side.”
Finally, Jessa says “He’s available” and everyone claps. HEY GALS, young and spunky? You can have a Duggar too.
Back to Anna—she finds a frozen turkey with a pop up. That’ll solve her problems, right? RIGHT? Oh, Anna just hasn’t watched enough sitcoms. We know how this ends.
And Josh returns from work and looks like he might try to be helpful. Anna is trying to convince him to do something like....... empty their basement the day before Thanksgiving Because that’s practical. Real practical. Of course they operate on Duggar Time so they might just arrive in late January anyway. No worries. But then so does JOSH. And with their combined Duggar times, they’ll operate in some bizarre space time warp where there will be so much procrastinating, NOTHING WILL BE DONE!
Baking with Aunty Joy pic.twitter.com/jOpOOuGQ8K
— Anna Duggar (@AnnaDuggar) August 15, 2013
COUNTDOWN TO DUGGARNAUT: 30 hours left. Cooking and clearing the basement. Republican paraphilia everywhere. Start your engines!!!
They are clearing out the entire basement and then make paint it and then make it into a bedroom with their sexy friend Skylar. The kids are being helpful, which just means Mackenzie is while the boys just slack off as is the Duggar way.
Anna starts preparing the food and she begins to unthaw the turkey. The kids have to come up because they are painting downstairs and they are PISSED. Stupid Anna. Cooking like a jerk and not painting like two jerks. AND THEN SHE GETS A PHONE CALL!!! Damn, is she pregnant? Wait? They are 24 hours early. LOL. Those wacky Duggars. And the music plays! Aren’t they always early to Anna’s? Hasn’t that happened before? They hate Anna. LOL. They like to see her freak out. They’ll drive through the night just to fuck with her head.
OK, now back from the commercial. She seems awfully ok about it. Sort of. She just laughs hysterically. Mackenzie looks disturbed just as she will when the Duggar’s Machiavellian shenanigans eventually prompt her to just begin using xanax and watching the Valley of the Dolls while chainsmoking. She literally can’t cook the food fast enough! The guys are painting and can’t prepare the room fast enough!
Josh is like “THIS IS BULLSHIT” but recognizes that his family are motivated by food. And so am I. Especially gerkins. So he better get comfortable with the whole family descending early.
Josh works hard with his friends and he’s thinking “F*CK” because he censors swears in his head. Anna rushes around to clean and cook. Now they are assembling a bunkbed. IT’S TOTAL MADNESS. They fancy themselves a pit crew. They are calling Jim Bob and are like T-30 until DUGGAR BLASTOFF! That’s what they also say right before a Duggar wedding.
Now, even worse, Anna begins to burn the food and there is smoke EVERYWHERE.
And the family has arrived. Great timing jerks. It’s only a half hour tonight. So you’ll have to wait until next week to see Jim Bob awkwardly mock Anna and her cooking skills, while ignoring that HE SHOULDN’T EXPECT A LOT IF HE COMES A DAY EARLY.
Bonus: Josiah at the ALERT Academy. You can feel the light dying in his eyes.