Duggars arrive in DC in Duggars Reunited or....Anna ruins Thanksgiving. But before you watch, peruse this, Duggar and Bates Confessions. What do you think?
Last time were were at the Duggarworld, Anna was desperately removing a burning turkey from the oven when low and behold, the Duggars arrive early. The guest room isn’t done......
Open Scene. The Duggars beseige the residence and Jim Bob talks about how he expected wonderful holiday smells, though he is a day ahead of time and complains that all he smells is smoke. Just terrible smoke. Because there is nothing like setting up an in-law for failure and then throwing a little bit of Duggar shade. He thinks about getting a fire extinguisher but does he? Of course not? Why help? I mean, he wouldn’t step in to care for his own children, leaving even the most mundane of diaper emergencies for the oldest girls, why would he help anyone else?
The Jim Bob goes to see Josh scrambling to make a guest room. They are far more thrilled and complementary to their son. It looks GREAT. Apparently. Not like Anna’s shitty meal. But what do you expect from a non-Duggar? Ben Seewald, you will be judged and found wanting soon enough. It looks typically Duggarlicious, with bunk beds and that nice Christian prison feeling that says “Give up any idea of free will.”
Then to dinner!!! Anna made a Turkey. Apparently one turkey? For 25 people. Then Josh looks momentarily confused because he doesn’t know how to cut the mea teven though he’s been married to Anna and living on his own for 4 years. Hasn’t he ever cut a turkey? Have I missed something?
And Anna says “It didn’t take long to go from a picture perfect turkey to nicely covered meat on a serving tray.”
Yes Anna, the miracle of slicing animals into meat. I’m not sure how to even make a joke out of an observation that mundane.
Everyone is relatively complimentary which is nice after all the complaining from Jim Bob, especially the oldest boys who don’t say much, except they like food and I guess they are supposed to get wives. Josiah especially likes it because he’s such a nice young man. Not like grumpy old Jim Bob and all his complaining. I wonder if they are working towards pushing Josiah as the face of a new Duggar generation as all the girls get married off.
Well, nothing would be Duggarlicious this season other than pushing their book and discussing courtships, which go hand in hand. Discussing the book is essential because of the Duggar Industrial Complex and making sure we promote a view of good Christian values, marriage and political indoctrination.
So, while they visit for Thanksgiving, just coincidentially, they are also going to record their audiobook, because why do it in the studio that is set up near their home where the Jim Bob and Michelle recorded their own books? Why do that at all though it is totally logical? It’s not good for the narrative. I mean, it’s a half hour show. Got to keep things snappy and moving forward!!! Tater tots don’t buy themselves.
Discussions go back Jessa and Ben Seewald’s Courtship because that’s what EVERYONE wants to know. Old smirky isn’t that into her beau but she does have a photo album of him to show everyone. Everyone seems to coo over it except for Jessa. And Jennifer because it’s bullshit.
Jill mentions that she might go to Nepal and find her man!!! It’ll be a season finale worthy of the Duggars. But says no one else is courting....”That we know of.”
Then she looks at Jana who smiles and thinks, “Kill me now.” Oh that Duggar shade.
And so they go driving and the weather is “CRAZY” (it is raining heavily) and Jinger is being all bad ass driving in Washington DC. Jessa just looks stone faced while Jinger looks all strung out on coffee and ready to go all Boston driver on the people of DC. Jana is probably just in the back, staring out the window, sadly. Sadly.
So while the women are recording their book, the less lucrative boys of the clan go hang out with Josh, the least charismatic man in America. Josiah has a “project” and talks to Josh about their weird dinner party idea, where they will do a video for their parents. Of course, because of their limited cultural exposure, which is largely confined to the cleaner Andy Griffith episodes and the Bible, they are stuck of course using some Bible story, in this case, the parable of the Good Samaritan. Josh is all winsome and ready to help them.
And back to the girls, Jill will doing most of the work, as per usual because she’s the lead Duggar in so many ways, whereas Jana is just happy to have her sister take the spotlight. As is usual. Jana is imaging what her life would be with just a little prozac, as she stares into the middle distance. They all admit to having difficulty with reading out loud, which I’m not being jerky about b/c I give several lectures a week to students and I’m ALWAYS sort of reading things..... not verbatim at all. I’d be terrible at reading audiobooks. I think really terrible.
So back outside with Josiah trying to organize the boys to do the video. Maybe they are realizing that Josiah’s the only interesting older boy. They living out their childhood dreams of beating up Josh and leaving him out for dead.
I think they may be tapping into the collective unconscious, with all due respect to Jung.
Josh is laying down in the cold as Josiah is trying to convince Josh, that old ham to emote more and show his best side. Josiah realizes that filming outside in the bitter cold without proper protection is not a good idea.
Now back to the bitter cold and time for birthdays! Apparently Jordyn, whose birthday they totally forgot about last year, btw, turns four. McKynzie was born a few months later and Josie was born less than a year later. So they are celebrating all the little girls birthday because why give Jordyn anything of her own. Josie is the miracle baby! OFF FOR CANDY!
And so they off to celebrate their birthday at a store called the Sugar Cube, where they unleashed the girls to make their own candy. It’s all exciting to watch the kids make their own ganache and shit. Michelle is no fool and decides she really needs to give the older girls a break form caring for the little girls. She’ll be there. Totally.
Anna looks a little frightened as all the girls go Lord of the Flies at the store, running around, covered in chocolate, as she fears the screaming and ruining of furniture when their chocolatey little hands make it home, to the family furniture.
And nothing would be complete without Michelle thinking how fortunate she is to have Josie and her little Christian miracle birth, especially on the date of Jordyn’s birthday. Because really, fuck it? What has Jordyn brought to the table? Josie brought GREAT dramatics. Jennifer is at least now becoming Jessa Mark II: the Smirk Continues. Jordyn...meh, vaguely cute but her most interesting feature was that her tonsils were removed. SNOOZERAMA. Josie is a MIRACLE. Can’t live up to that, can you, Jordyn?
Michelle starts wishing for more kids. I think Michelle is so used to having a baby, she hasn’t acclimated to being focused on kids for other things other than breastfeeding and diapering for YEARS. She seems lost.
Now the Duggars go Ice Skating!!!
Josh is all thrilled that everyone was willing to visit him in DC and thinks that capping off this evening with ice skating will be SUPERFUN. And everyone is excited. But there are a bunch of kids who have never skated!
Cue the wacky Duggar music and plastic skates. It’s time for some childhood frustration. Poor Anna. Their kids went out on the ice, slipping and falling and crying.
The older Duggars giggle as they notice that the little kids fell on the ice the most. LOL, so funny, with little kids and their lack of coordination. Who’d have ever imagined that? Johannah thought it was BULLSHIT that she kept falling. Joy Anna thought it was bullshit they were skating on plastic—which I have never heard of either. Is that new fangled safety measures for kids? Who don’t walk to school up hill both ways like I did?
And we get a brief flash of Jennifer grasping the walls for dear life. Then the older girls are shot, looking stylish as usual. Damn, TLC must have stepped in and convinced them that Gothard styling was not a good idea. Anyway, everyone is happy and END SCENE. This week was pleasant as watching Little Bear but with more Jesus.
Next week: DUGGARS GO TO NEPAL so that Jill can meet Derek to see if he’s the right guy for her. We know how well that went: