Jill Duggar finds love. He's kind of scruffy. That has to be a sin. Jessa's fiance attends public college. These beaus are not doing everything strictly according to the dominant programming. ARE THEY FINALLY DEGOTHARDIZING?

Also, does Jennifer find this all to be bullshit? (we hope so)

Plus Josiah discovers photoshop (below)


Like last week, I'll recap the episode and clean this up later.

Let's start with the recap and the credits: Jinger is sad about the courtship and Michelle has less curly hair. I do think they are breaking away from Gothard with changes in hairstyling along with the rebel fiances. Perhaps really distracting from Gothard's fall from grace.


Doubledate with Duggar ParentsL. Once again Jessa is explaining that courtship is different than dating because they have to take Jim Bob and Michelle to their mini-golf date. They are also noticing that Jessa is spending more time dreaming of her boyfriend than cleaning and they need help making up the differences now that they're losing a servant child. They don't talk about how they will do that but to imply that Jessa is anything but a stubborn failure might not be part of the family's narrative.

So they kind of do this awkward segue about how they cover chores the Duggar way—with cleaning crew, buddy groups. Now they explain the buddy group system. We call this the pickle sub-plot: Jill has Joy Anna, James and Jennifer in her buddy group, which is fairly badass, except for James. He's a snooze. (I think we need to learn more about these groups). This buddy group is getting together to make pickles, something the phalllocentric Duggars love. All Duggars eat pickles. "You aren't a Duggar unless you eat a pickle before your first birthday." Some people drink the kool-aid. Duggars eat the pickle. It sounds gross. Jennifer says they have the best leader in Jill. I agree. She's the brains of the Duggar clan, which is why she is so eager to marry and travel the world. There is about a 35% chance that she will convert to hippie, semi-liberal craft drinking evangelical within a decade.

Now they go out to DC: Anna is educating her children. Her son Michael demonstrates his home school education when Anna asks him what color apples are and he counts to 4. I suspect synthesthesia. Anna and Josh misses the Duggars a lot, now that they are in DC, working for their local hate group, Focus on the Family but no matter. Anna is happy to raise the kids and spend time talking about how great Jim Bob and Michelle are, especially since they have their own story-line.


And she takes the kids out for a big surprise and it turns out to be a unassembled playhouse. Boy Anna, there is nothing quite like putting together a complicated project when you have three young children to help, including one 2 year old who just wants to fuck shit up as two year olds are wont to do.

Now Back to Arkansas: It's the Jessa/Ben and Michelle/Jim-Bob double date and proving there is nothing more fun than double dating with your parents, Jim Bob decides to discuss dating boundaries. (as if this is not proselytizing the Gothard lifestyle)


Ben talks about being safer, rather than less safe and discusses their boundaries. Jim Bob says that he and Michelle made mistakes (kissing? touching? SEX? how would it be a mistake? Who decided that? I mean, they are still married—it could have not been so bad). Their boundaries include:

  • Side hugs when greeting
  • No frontal hugs, especially when there is an attraction
  • No hand holding? (cut to commericial)

Back to Making Pickles: Everyone starts talking about how awesome Jill and Joy are as buddies. They describe Joy as "groovy", being much more complementary than Jessa and her hard head and stubbornness. The contrast is just striking. Jessa, that jerky jackass.


Back to Mini-Golf:

  • Ben is asked about whether he will hand hold and he is holding out on it until an unknown future date.
  • Jessa is okay with holding hands, but doesn't want to do it because she's not touchy feely (yeah, neg that Ben asshole, he should know who is of high value, right PUA Jessa)? She's always a little smirky and a little snarky and a little jerky. She is less about morality and more about being annoyed with PDA.


Now Michelle tells Jim that he is really good at minigolf and he's all like "Does it turn you on?" And then they talk about how much THEY are into PDA, Jim all wrapping around her and grinding up against her to teach her to minigolf. Apparently, according to Michelle, he likes to show those in a courtship what the sweet marriage train brings. And then once again, talk about Jessa and Ben's boundaries because, really, fuck them:

  • Kissing is saved for the wedding day
  • Jessa says their parents have trained them well from when they were small children so she doesn't even want to kiss.


Jessa is really good in sinking balls into holes. And between this and the pickles, man there are all sorts of sexual references. Ben couldn't sink his ball into any hole the whole afternoon. Jim Bob could not stop laughing hysterically at Ben's failures. Haha, Ben is a beta male.

UP NEXT: Jill is making pickles and talking about finding a guy hot.

Back to DC: Anna can't put this house together at first but then she got a real drill—sexual innuendo number 3 and she will build that fucking house. She is trying to prove to Josh she can put that shit together. Mackenzie is apparently being fairly helpful and man, she has a lifetime predictably where she is going to have to help her mother do basic shit while her brothers run around screaming and distracting their mother. But happily, they put the house together and now it's time for sandwiches. We love sandwiches.


Back to Pickles: Joshua is being focused on cutting the pickles but Jennifer is all contemplative, dumping, stirring, meditative. Michelle says she's a "deep thinker"— she is. She likes order and she doesn't like bullshit. This is the season where I will champion Jennifer.

Now Jill gets all preoccupied and waits for a special call this afternoon, while she cooks pickles.


And as the pickles sit and wait before they are devoured, Jill sits and thinks about talking possibly to her eventual beau, who is not revealed until the second episode. But there is a build up as if all us Duggar watchers haven't already taken to social media and already know. But you know, narrative structure and all that stuff.


Video Conferencing:

Now Michelle and Jim Bob go into the living room to talk to a Jill and potential beau (is that the right terms? They don't talk about boyfriends and dating. Is he the intended?)


Second Half—Episode 3: With the revealing of her being interested in a boy, they go downmemory lane with Jill, a child they like more than Jessa. She's described as the "perfect kid" who likes "order and structure" and she "combines midwifery with mission work" and "thinks of the needs of others before her own" unlike Jessa who was just called a jerk. A hard headed jerk. One word to describe Jill "fun", "sweet" "laid back" "happy"— man, apparently there have been several beaus in waiting but they need a perfect guy. Not like Jessa. Seriously man, the difference how they are describing those two daughters is dramatic. They are so ready to drop her ass off at the Seewalds, yelling and saying "NOW SHE IS YOUR PROBLEM"

Derek pops up on-screen. Jill really likes Derek Dillard. He has been in Nepal for two years and has never met him in person. Derek called Jim Bob about a year ago and asked him to be his prayer partner because he saw the show and admired the Duggars so much. They are superstars and all the hot evangelical boys come to their yard but for Jim Bob first and maybe eventually one of the daughter's milkshakes. Jill described their relationship as a "bro-mance" because they really hit it off. Of course, they always date Jim Bob first.

Now since he is similar to Jill, they should be together unlike Jessa who needs someone who is the opposite of her Jill and Derek talks a bit and declare that they are in pre-courtship. I wonder if they want to marry Jill off before she gets too ambitious?


Jill likes his character and wants to see if his values aligns with theirs before she proceeds to be in full courtship with him. Jim Bob is really googly eyed over Derek. Seriously googly eyed.

Now over to DC: Now Anna is molding young minds, most specifically her children. Anna is homeschooling Mackenzie while her other kids just bounce around and stuff and yell and generally distract her. It's lucky for them that Mackenzie is low maintenance but she occasionally looks a little pissy about school work. .And she's probably tired of being the easy kid. "Homework makes me sweat"—me too, girl, me too. MacKenzie knows that this whole set up is bullshit but it is good for her to prepare for a life of self-sacrifice and disappointment.


Of course Anna utters the magic phrase:"Practice Makes Progress"

It sounds like a type of thing that religious people say because "practice makes perfect" might make you sound like you think you are perfect like God, you blasphemer.

Back in Arkansas: Michelle regrets not expecting. But she is trying to enjoy all of her other fucking 19 kids. She is venturing out to hang out with her kids. She is playing chess with Jeremiah, which is shocking because I thought that she didn't even realize that they were related. He explains chess to her and she starts twitching. Jeremiah explains the rules. Now she finds out the queen can go anywhere she wants and Michelle thinks that should be like it is in life—"we women should go wherever we want."Michelle discovers feminism. DO IT, MICHELE, JOIN US JEZEBELLES. And "the fella"—the king can only go forward. Michelle thinks this is all bullshit. And she thinks that a "man made up this game." Because it's bullshit. And she's right. Men are bullshit. Just go ask MacKenzie.


Now that she can't pop out babies, the dissatisfaction is coming out. I know how you feel. It is bullshit. She's like to spend more time with Jeremiah. SEE MICHELLE, ONCE YOU STOP HAVING KIDS YOU REALIZE MEN ARE BULLSHIT AND YOU CAN ALWAYS HANG OUT WITH THE KIDS YOU HAVE AND NOT MAKE MORE.

Weird Duggar Subplot: The Duggar kids decide to do some dinner theater for their parents. Jackson and Johannah explain this and are adorable but even they can't salvage this bullshit subplot. Come on guys, get to Duggaring. The family is trying to do something for their parents before they all go off on their owns (Sunrise/Sunset) and they are going to do films and bible skits. Joshua thinks this all sounds like bullshit too. He's right. How much can I say this is all bullshit? Not seven times but seventy times seven.


The little kids are asked to do something and they, unlike the older kids, don't give a shit about the narrative structure of a reality show. Joy Anna is trying to get them in line. They all sing "Jesus Loves Me" but off key, like a bunch of fucking heathens, standing on their heads. But as Pistach points out, all Duggars sing off-key, so why even criticize them? Come on, Joy Anna, stop fooling yourself.

Growing up Duggar: They are showing the girls writing and shit. They are on their Macs in their rooms. It took them TWO YEARS. Seriously to write it, on their beds, writing like sisters, I'm sure. Jessa is over writing this damned book. But it's a plug. Go buy that fucking book. It's just like sitting on the bed and gabbing with the Duggar girls!

Jill Duggar courtship news: Jill tells her parents that she is in love and tries to convince her parents if she could go see him in Nepal. SURE JILL, LET'S GO AHEAD AND DO THAT. Jim Bob asks if they could wait. But Jill wants to see him in his mission because she wants to do a mission too.


Jim Bob hesitates and thinks "Does this fit into our narrative structure?" And Michelle and Jim Bob might go, for real? And then he starts making out with Jill.


Jim Bob and Michelle have a pained smile.

/end scene

Next week, Erin Bates gets married. God, Erin is like the fakest faker ever. She usually looks constipated. I don't mean that as an insult but as a matter of fact. But anyway, next week, the epic Bates marriage.