An amuse-bouche of commentary
An amuse-bouche of commentary

Premier of 19 Kids and Counting: Episode Recap

JESSA GOES A COURTIN'! Also, damnit, I bet Anna is pregnant guys. She's pregnant. So, this starts out with the idea that there are more emotions involved about girls courting, as opposed to a men. I mean, really, Josh, whatever? John David? We wish. He seems like he might be a gnome in his little hobby shop. Josiah? Too much fashion sense. Dad's calling the ALERT academy as we speak. But damnit, our precious Jessa? It's heartbreaking. That' patriarchy. Damnit. Now, they are explaining courtship— talking about how Dad builds a relationship first, before the emotional bonding between Jessa and her intended. Dad does the romancing?

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Her paramour is Ben Seewald, from a paltry family of seven and he goes to college—at a real accredited college, like a friggin' heathen that he is. He seems very awkward. This whole courtship seems awkward. SO UNCOMFORTABLE. It's hard enough to ask one person out but three? It's harder than being poly-amorous. He's coming by to ask Jessa's father if he can court Jessa, much to her surprise. She didn't realize it'd happen so quick. After Ben asks Jim Bob and then they consult Michelle, they give Jessa the good news!

They discuss how easy Ben has had it compared to other boys who have come by. WHO ARE THESE MEN? OH!!!!!!! The implications!

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First of all, Dad is described as usually intensely questioning potential boys and maybe scaring them off? And he talked about Jessa's edge. Her over-criticism. Does he want her to be further subjugated?They talk about how he's a good complement to Jessa, who they then proceed to pick apart. Jessa is described as "strong willed" and it really, really is seen as something that is not ok. They describe her as "opinionated", seeing things as "black and white","not emotional" but she is also "loyal." I guess that's one positive thing. She calls herself "hard headed." Hm. Not easy to be a Duggar. No wonder they seemed a bit turned down, like a light switch on a dimmer.

During this courtship ritual, Jessa is rocking a sweet side pony. Ben has his cap and glasses resting on top, like he's Mystery the Pick up Artist. He wants to neg so bad. So bad. Just like all the other Duggars did to Jessa. There are some nice fashion choices that Jessa makes, that is worlds apart from the typical Michelle Duggar overgelled, curly hair and peasant dress look. She had a good eye. I think that comes a bit from Jinger too,who is admittedly style obsessed.

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Now, later in the day he gets to bond with all the awkward older Duggar boys who are very inarticulate, with their awkward interrogation of awkward Ben. They are repairing cars, like good upstanding men and not namby pamby liberals, like Alan Alda, who sit and drink coffee and stuff. And there is Jessa in the kitchen, learning to be a woman folk with cooking and shit. She has done the least amount of cooking out of all the girls. She's spent her life perfecting her eyeliner game. Look at her eye makeup. The other girls don't compare. But is good makeup going to help their traditional Duggar style marriage? NO. Get to cooking Jessa. Tater Tot casserole doesn't make itself.

Afterwards is a reaction shot (one of many throughout the series) of the family talking about Ben and Jessa. When Grandma talks about how much she loves Ben and Ben loves Jessa, there is a delightful judgy "Hm" from Joy Anna. She is entering a very snarky age. Perhaps she is under Jinger's tutelage.

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Illustration for article titled Premier of 19 Kids and Counting: Episode Recap

Look at that picture and on camera—they are touching. BUT IT'S FORBIDDEN. PRAY, BEN, PRAY. They are allowed a quick side hug and they always seem to be sort of touching their sides together in a perpetual side hug but there is always a voyeur, I mean, chaperone. Always a chaperone. I also am tempted to say something inappropriate but I worrying about sullying the Duggar girls with my evil ways, so I refrain. Souls are so pure.

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Now mom and dad are discussing how they are sad that Jessa might not be around but they are fine with Josh being far away. I'm with you, Michelle. Josh is the worst.

Oh a trip!!!Off to see the Seewalds. And a double date with Ben's parents—how romantic. And when they are like "We'll be away and married or in college"... lol, college. Probably not. Also, Jinger is losing her other half. She will plunge further into caffeine addiction and bitterness. Let the hate flow, Jinger.

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Michelle and Jessa are flying on a plane to see Ben. John David is the pilot. Duggars are late. Duggars running on Duggar Time.They see Ben and pile into his pickup truck. Michelle sitting in the middle between Ben and Jessa. Michelle is feeling up Ben. Talk about parental oversight.

Cut to Johannah and Jackson:

Johannah: He smells good. Jackson: "Very Good" Johannah: "Supergood." Jackson: "I want to have some of that cologne." They are fanboying and fangirling Ben so hard. Love those kids. We didn't see them enough together last season. Glad to see the dream team back together.

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Also, damn the Seewalds have mighty chins. And now it's double dating time with the Seewalds!

Back with Dad, we find that worrying about hemlines starts early. 6 year old Jennifer wore a skirt that was too short. Because you know, that's SO PROVOCATIVE. No wonder she doesn't want to get married. Men are a hassle.

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Now they are eating pizza, because Duggars gotta Dug. They are very excited to go to a pizzeria where they can get a discount. They work hard to get as much free food as possible because stealing might be a sin but loading up on places where children eat for free isn't. It just is good business sense. "Buy used and save the rest for later!" is their motto. It doesn't apply to food, but it could! Of course, Duggars gotta gossip about Jessa and her beau. They tease how Johannah because she thinks that Ben is hot. Jennifer is anti-marriage. So anti-marriage. Jim Bob says she'll grow out of it. Maybe, Jim Bob, but maybe not. Maybe she is righteously disgusted by all the girls around her being all googly eyed, including Jordyn, whose really pretty pro-marriage. Blah. Resist Jennifer! Good for her. I think Jana resist the Duggar Industrial Complex as well. SPREAD THOSE WINGS. GET SOME CATS.

Now for the sexy double date. All Duggar style but with Ben's parents who manage to be blander than Michelle and Jim Bob. But with those Seewald chins. Can you imagine a combination of a Duggar head and a Seewald chin?

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I wonder what they are eating. Probably good republican meat. They are asking Jessa what she thought when she first saw Ben. She replied, "He seems nice" but wouldn't consider him if her Dad wouldn't approve. Damn girl, we know you are actually thinking "Look at that sweet ass" and is denying it. You deny day dreaming? LIES! ALL LIES! Even in your book, you talk about those thoughts that mean you are "normal"— WE KNOW!!!

Also, she had no idea about their potential courtship—when Ben would come around to see her dad, she just thought he was talking to him about theology. LolJessa. Come on. She's playing so innocent. I think she's so trained to put thoughts out of her head, she doesn't even know they are there anymore.

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Oh and they fell in love because of disagreements over Biblical Doctrine. That hard headed girl. She will conform soon to her husband/leader.

Illustration for article titled Premier of 19 Kids and Counting: Episode Recap
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Jennifer thinks marriage is bullshit. Johannah looks suspicious too. Also John David and Josiah. They think make allusions that marriage seems like THE WORST. For a family that loves to have a bunch of kids, there are a whole lot of Duggars not wanting to move out and have babies.

Jackson mentioned marriage and wanting to be like his mother and he turned to Johannah and told her that she wanted to marry a man like their father. Johannah gave him a dirty look. Hilarious. But the real news is that Jennifer is coming out as this dark horse of snark with her anti-marriage stuff. Keep fighting the patriarchy, Jennifer!

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Now they are on the front porch but they can't be alone. They need an adult. The soundman had to be their chaperone because they don't believe people are inherently good and able to practice any self restraint. Give them 10 minutes and they'll be dry humping. 20? They've broken the law in at least 20 states. Even Jessa doesn't trust herself. She doesn't trust herself with him while saying that she always obeys her father. and does not engage in much unGodly type thoughts. So internally controlled but yet, constantly feeling like she needs external controls as well. What's the point of learning restraint when you are never allowed to be alone?

But she's happy with him and they seem all to be one big happy family. And now they are wondering, "Where will she live?" after she is married. And how will it be shown on tv?

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Next Week: More courtship stuff with miniature golf! How whimsical! ill talks about potential courtship. Then just some standard Duggaring—talks about doing a talent show and Anna builds some random lawn equipment. See you there! I might be a little late.

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